i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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