Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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