so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
