Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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