I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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