I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
