He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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