I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your dad touched me again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
