Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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