Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sponge bath it is.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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