Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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