Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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