My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
