that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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