No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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