So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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