This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
