the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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