this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize