Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
