Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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