I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize