he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
