he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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