Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
