i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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