So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
