Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...