god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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