i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
