You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
