theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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