I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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