I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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