We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
