Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
