I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
