Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
