I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
