is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize