But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
