Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No subtext here. People are naked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
