i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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