We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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