I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
