god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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