is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
