Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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