Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
