just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
