I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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