somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
