i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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