i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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