He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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