So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
