Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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