i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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