Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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