I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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