I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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