i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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