It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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