if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They should really pass out barf bags in church
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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