You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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