i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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