dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
