Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
