why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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